“No,” is a complete sentence.
It doesn’t matter how many winding roads we take to get there–“I’ll think about it, let me check my schedule, I’ll pray about it, I need to talk to my spouse”–whatever feints and delaying tactics you engage in, in the end, we only have “yes” or no.
But too often we say “yes” when we want to say “no,” regardless of the weird journey we took to try to throw off the asker. So our yes is begrudging and resentful. Our relationship suffers because we did not say what we really meant to say. We do a poor job, or worse–no job, because we “felt bad” about saying “no.”
Or we’re the poor sap who optimistically says “yes” to everything we’re asked to do as if we aren’t finite beings. We’re the suckers who inspired the saying, “If you want something done, ask a busy person.” We’re overworked, overtired, overdone, two weeks behind on all our projects, and two days from a complete breakdown. Because of course, we’ll do it! We’re happy to help!
But all those “yeses” are really “nos.” We can’t physically do it, so it doesn’t get done or done well despite our best intentions. Or we never wanted to do it in the first place, so we give a half-hearted effort or ghost the asker entirely. We damage our relationships and our health and our reputations. And in the end, everyone would have been happier and better off if we’d just said, “No” to begin with.
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